Kevyboy014's Xanga

My Dad

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:00:27 GMT

No... My dad really is the greatest dad in history of mankind (no matter what you say), but this isn't about my earthly dad, in case you were wondering....

I was just worshiping God... Listening to Skillet's worship album, Ardent Worship Live, which by the way, you all should buy... And I was listening to "Safe with You" which is... Really, probably one of my favorite (non-Supertones) songs, at least lyrically...

"Learning inside
I will be safe with you tonight
You cause the smile
And the teardrops in my eyes
Locked inside your every movement
Will I stand or will I fall?
Trapped inside of your walls of glory
I am just as dead leaves fall

Safe with you
Safe with you

Chaos in my head
The whole universe is at rest
When I'm in your arms
Is when I feel the best
Locked inside your creative being
Whirling about your unfailing truth
Attacked with power by ferocious love
Salvation alone belongs to you

Safe with you
Safe with you

Lifting up my voice
To the God who really sees
The God who is consumed
With loving thoughts of me
The screaming winds
And the crashing of the oceans
Shifting sands and the changing of the seasons
As I stand in awe and wonder
Nothing in the world has prepared me for you! "

I just love the... Well, the love song that it is... I am completely safe in my Daddy's arms... And I started thinking about a Scripture reference that, really, I hadn't read all that many times... I just remember either reading or hearing it once and just being.. Struck, and comforted by how the writer put things... Google is handy here... Anyways... Psalm 18: (Hey... That's weird... I don't remember reading this on my birthday... Are we slacking off here?)

1 I will love You, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.

4 The pangs of death surrounded me,
And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid.
5 The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me;
The snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called upon the LORD,
And cried out to my God;
He heard my voice from His temple,
And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.

7 Then the earth shook and trembled;
The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken,
Because He was angry.
8 Smoke went up from His nostrils,
And devouring fire from His mouth;
Coals were kindled by it.
9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down
With darkness under His feet.
10 And He rode upon a cherub, and flew;
He flew upon the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness His secret place;
His canopy around Him was dark waters
And thick clouds of the skies.
12 From the brightness before Him,
His thick clouds passed with hailstones and coals of fire.

13 The LORD thundered from heaven,
And the Most High uttered His voice,
Hailstones and coals of fire.
14 He sent out His arrows and scattered the foe,
Lightnings in abundance, and He vanquished them.
15 Then the channels of the sea were seen,
The foundations of the world were uncovered
At Your rebuke, O LORD,
At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.

16 He sent from above, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy,
From those who hated me,
For they were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the LORD was my support.
19 He also brought me out into a broad place;
He delivered me because He delighted in me.

Yeah, there's more, but that's long as is.... But is that not amazing? "Because He was angry."

God hears one of His children cry out in utter distress, and the earth itself can't stand in His way... He comes down from heaven spewing fire, in utter abandon... Almost, for a moment, disregarding what might be happening in the world (okay, I know He's omnipresent... Bear with me..), driven and consumed by the one thought... "Rescue my child... Rescue.... Me..."

God is absolutely consumed by You... By me... He lives each and every day in absolute, reckless abandon for His love for us... I don't think we'll ever know. Not in heaven... Certainly not here... Jesus' love for us, is so much greater than what we can possibly even begin to wrap our mind's around... He's completely OBSESSED over us....

Ridiculous... How could He love me?

Extravagant:

2 a : exceeding the limits of reason or necessity b : lacking in moderation, balance, and restraint c : extremely or excessively elaborate
3 a : spending much more than necessary b : profuse, lavish
4 : extremely or unreasonably high in price

Not that that could really describe a love like my Dad shows me.... But that's pretty good right there.... Extravagant... Incredible...

How is it that we can even breath? Shouldn't God's love daily take our breathe away? Shouldn't we wake up each morning gasping for air as we think about how He loves us?

.... And shouldn't that drive us to action?

As amazing as God's love is... I wonder how often that love is rejected... Turned away... As we "don't have time," or some such nonsense... When we willingly fail Him.... Not that.... Not that, I guess, God can ever be disappointed... He knows what's going to happen... He knows when we'll fail Him... I don't believe there's a day that goes by when He doesn't take a moment to smile down on us, still absolutely, extravagantly consumed with His love for us... I don't think God uses guilt as most people feel it... Definitely, He uses the Holy Spirit to prod and guide us... But God's love is so amazing, I think He is sorry when He has to resort to guilt... It's not God going "you suck at life!" It's God going "Awww... Now your life isn't as fulfilled... Let me help ya out... Please... I'm begging you... Trust my hand... Trust my foresight..."

Man this is scattered... Thanks for reading, if any of you are...

But man... If we could live each and every day with a greater understanding of how Jesus loves us... How my Dad loves me... How He would put the world on hold to come rescue me... How He pours out His love so completely wastefully every single moment of every day...

God's pretty amazing... For a love like that, what could we give? Our lives aren't even worth that much, if you think about it logically... But that's all we have... Isn't in the least we can do? To commit ourselves fully and completely to a Dad that loves us so openly, unconditionally, completely and utterly preposterously...

Yeah... That's my thoughts.... Been awhile, so hope I didn't bore you completely senseless... And I wish I could end this with some cool writing or something, but I feel like... Maybe what's been said is all that can be said... Hmm....

A love extravagant
Poured out on a tree
As You breathed Your last
You thought of me
Your dying wish
Was to give me life
Everlasting, uncomparable
My gift for Your strife
As Your love washes over my sins
Countless as they are
I can only hope to give You me
In return for Your scars

What a love... What a God
What an everlasting Friend....

I love You, Dad....

Shoes

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:32:23 GMT

You wear a lot of shoes... Play, work, church, hang time... Shoes are interesting things... They tell what you're planning on doing that day... Sometimes they can display your mood...

But what about Spiritually?

Do we switch shoes Spiritually just as often? Where one minute we're wearing the shoes of the stand-out Christian, the one who just loves Jesus no matter who is around, and the next minute we're closet Christians, scared because of the world? Are we lukewarm? Are we trying to do it on our own?

I dunno.... I just.... Was listening to the song "Miracle Maker" from Delirious, where one of the chorus' goes as follows

"Holy
You are Holy
Who was
And is
And is
To come
Jesus
Precious Jesus
Thank You
Savior
I'm walking in the shoes of the
Miracle Maker"

I thought about that.... Walking in the shoes of the Miracle Maker...

We really can't do anything on our own... All of our EVERYTHING comes for Him and Him alone... So if we're doing anything, as I write this, it's by His strength alone... I'm walking in His shoes... I'm drawing from His power...

What if we did that more often? As we walk, both physically and Spiritually, we try to understand and feel that we're walking in His shoes, rather than trying to figure out who we are apart from Him... That, as long as He's right beside us, nothing is out of reach or impossible. That no matter what He asks us to do, no matter how ludicrious it may seem, it probably won't seem as crazy after, 'cause it was all His doing...

God, help me understand what You can do through me... And what I can't do without You... Help my every movement be from You...

Let me walk in Your shoes... 'Cause You're the only One that can do this... You're the only One who can help me... You're the only One who can somehow enable me to do what You've called me to, even if I have absolutly no idea what that is right now....

Let me draw from You, in every breath I breathe... That I wouldn't take anything for granted, that I would never allow my life to become praise for myself... But that everything I do would point to You...

You're everything

That I want

Everything

That keeps me on my feet

My life, my goal

The One who fills this hole

You're the One

Who saved me from me

The One who keeps me walking

Towards who I'm to be

Help me share with others

What You've shown me

And that would be my thoughts... Looking back, it's very confusing I bet... Haha, sorry... If you made it through all that, you rock... I should send you a sucker.... But I won't...

A walk to remember...

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:59:18 GMT

Okay, no, I haven't watched the movie... Don't.... No, don't even go there..

No, this blog is about my first "Joshua" walk, as I have decided to call it. "What be that?," you ask? Well, you'd use proper grammar of course, but I've decided to start taking walks, and attempt to, once peice together, walk around the entire city of Cornwall, using the streets of Headline, Power dam, Boundary, and Water as boundries... But much more than just excercise... I've decided to use the time walking as praying for the city. No matter what other prayer requests might be there, I've just decided to take that time to pray, intercede, and believe God for my city. Hopefully that doesn't come across as prideful or arrogant, I'm simply trying to inform.... If you wanna join me, please do.... Ironically, I'm actually outside that boundary, so maybe God will only save those in it...

Anyways, today I decided to take my first one. I biked one boundary road a couple days ago, but today was the first walk/run/jog/pant, sweat, and die... It was good.... Really good.... I just.... I just pray God will give me more love... Bigger arms... I just want to see this city transformed.....

Anyways, this post wasn't entirely about random rants....

I started playing a recently aquired song, "I want to know," by Brian Cooney, which I have pretty much been in love with since first hearing it.... It's from the point of view of a non-Christian, basically wondering if there might be more to life.... Here's the lyrics:

I walk alone in this world of darkness

It's the only life I have known

Not really sure what will come tomorrow

I don't really have any answers at all

What is this light they are talking about?

Who sets these prisoners free?

What is this love that is reaching out?

I want to know, I want to know

Is it real?

I want to know what it really means to be alive

I want to know how it feels to be free

I want to know, who is this Jesus Christ

That He would die for me?

No where to run

When my sky is falling

There's no one holding my hand

No where to turn

When the devil comes calling

I can't find no shelter in man

What is this light they are talking about?

Who sets these prisoners free?

What is this love that is reaching out?

I want to know, I want to know

Is it real?

I want to know what it really means to be alive

I want to know how it feels to be free

I want to know, who is this Jesus Christ

That He would die for me?

And, as per usual Kevin style, I start crying... Just weeping over a city completely broken and lost... Without hope of change, of anything better... God help them.... God save them.... God give me, give us, love to help them...

Man, there's just a.... Cry in my heart.... Come flood their hearts that are just burning alive.... The devil's got.... Check that, used to have, such a strangelhold on the city... I believe it's being broken...

Anyways, that was definitely cool... Another cool point was on my way back, I was jogging again, after taking a short break, and noticed a lock on the ground.... Being my usual self, I had to pick it up.... It was broken, and I just felt like.... God was saying that's what's happening... Chains of affliction are breaking and falling... satan has no hold anymore... God's coming in and saving and healing and.... I think I'm gonna get to watch it......

James 5

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:40:28 GMT

Some interesting thoughts went through my head as we read James 5, "we" referring to me, Karen, and Mom, doing our usual post-supper Bible reading.... Ready for some ranting?

First, verse... Umm... 9

"⁹ Do not grumble against one another, brethren, lest you be condemned. Behold, the Judge is standing at the door! "

Yeeeeah.... So who all has "grumbled against one another"?

Guilty as charged...

I think we as Christians are far to quick to judge and classify... Gossip is something that happens way to easily, i think.... We see someone in sin, or doing something we deem (not that it's our place) to be against God's will, and it's not that we quietly approach the pastor or the person.... At least for me, I'm more inclined to discuss it around the supper table than actually do anything that might result in productivity... I'm so judgemental.... Gah...

Classification and judgementalism... Thinking I can be God and figure out right from wrong, while my own life goes down in flames....

GAH..

Okay... One more..

GAH!

Okay, on to verse... Mmmm.... 16, here we go...

¹⁶ Confess your trespasses^[e] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

After reading this verse, I started thinking about the most recent book I finished, "What's so amazing about Grace?," and a portion in it that talks about being honest about how messed up we are.... Basically the three options are perfection, pretending, or honesty... Perfection is out, obviously... Pretending is where most people run to, throwing up guards persuade people that they are doing awesome at life, while just being stuck in sin....

Yeah, I'm there too...

But honesty.... What freedom, if we could start to live transparent lives.... No one's perfect, so why does almost every Christian I've ever met pretend they are? I'm not saying every Christian, 'cause I know some that are very real, but I'm saying, as a whole, Christians tend to be high and mighty, sitting on their thrones of pretending... I bet the average honest answer to the question "Who is a Christian to you?" would get responses based on pride, and having it all together, rather than a atmosphere of grace...

But confess your sins... Talk about them... Expose them and let the world know that you're fallible.... Talk about them with people you trust, and get them resolved....

Thus are my thoughts.... Coupled with "Sleep" and "Jesus"

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 04:46:18 GMT

Well... This is certianly interesting... I didn't expect to do any more blogs before camping, and certianly not of this nature... So far I've been attempting to sleep for about 1 and a half hours, maybe more like 2, but it feels like forever... I couldn't believe it when I woke up and saw "12:30..."

Okay, so.... This is going to be very random and very weird and strange, and maybe kinda depressing... 'Cause that's basically my emotions right now... Oh... And tired.... Yeah..

*Pulls out "Dream Symbol Interpretation," the 7-page deal given by Barry Russel when he talked at Youth, like forever ago... And begins the post...

So yeah.... Dreams.... It's extremely ironic that I was just talking about how weird it was to me that dad had a bad dream last night, 'cause I didn't think adults had bad dreams for some reason.... And yeah, I'm officially an adult... That, was definitely a bad dream....

Okay, so I'm probably being really dramatic now, but you gotta understand that I'm really tired..

What? There's no interpretation for "ring" in here? Goodness.... I thought there would be..

Okay... So... Dog.... Interesting, interesting...

Sorry, here goes my dream:

Basically... It's weird, 'cause I think I had a dream like before the one I'm about to tell you, and then "woke up" inside of my dream, thinking all was okay and I wouldn't have any more bad dreams, only to "fall asleep" again within my dream, never actually coming to a consciousness in my room, and then finally waking up about half an hour ago...

So starting with the "waking up," this being inside my dream, I remember thinking that, whatever dream I had prior to "waking up" needed to be written down, because it had amazing details, and specific things... I don't remember any of that, or even if there was a dream before that fake awakening, but I do remember, in this false awakened state, hearing some cries or wails, and discounting them as Jacob, my newly-arrived nephew, in the other room... Which... It could've been in real life too. But I think the cries in my awakened-dream state were coming from a house outside my window, and this whole "crying" business might make more sense in a bit...

So my dream, or at least what I can remember of it, basically consisted of a battle over a ring, which I only just remembered recently... A ring... That was made out of some wood or something, was rather flimsy, and might've even had some thorns in it.... I'm not sure if that's significant, with a correlation to Jesus' crown of thorns, but yeah... I think I had one guy who was "on my team" so to speak, throughout the dream, but no one specific that I could describe or anything. I just remember repeated times being chased by one guy, who was kinda the leader from what I could tell, who had a dog with him, at least for part of the dream, and another guy, who, thinking of him now, had a red hat on I believe... They kept battling for the ring, and while at times it kinda seemed just like a play, other times the emotions I felt within the dream were... Really awful. Being pursued by these two men, and the dog, who at times seemed friendly.... While I'm sure there were many more cycles, they are mostly getting jumbled up in my brain.... This might inspire laughter out of most of you, and that's totally fine... I would probably laugh too... This is more to get my thoughts organized.... But here is kinda the last part of the dream, to the best of my rememberance...

I was sitting somewhere, in a specific room, and I had the ring object that was apparently being contested over, and was playing with it. Suddenly something shot from out of nowhere and knocked it out of my hands... Or.... Maybe it was the guy I was with... Anyways, both me and.... Him? Not sure if it was a specific gender, but let's call "him" larry... So me and larry, along with the two other bad guys and their dog, raced after to where we thought it was, still in a building that, thinking back on it, bears some similarities in design with the school building that our church turned into the daycare.... Weird.... Anyways, we got over there, still kind of inside, though there was a car randomly there, and started looking for it. Someone seemed to think that me and larry had found the ring and had hidden it in the tire of one of the cars, so one of the guys, who apparently can change into squirrels (yeah, this part is strange.... Not sure if this means anything.... lol...), dug into the tire, but came out without the ring, since we hadn't found it yet.... But then I did find it, on the ground, and quickly grabbed it, trying to make sure no one noticed the movement. Some other things happened, but nothing I can organize enough to put down here... Anyways, eventually I found out that the guy with the red hat (this being one of the "bad" guys) did notice my movement, 'cause he asked me what had happened when I put my hand up to my chest, which apparently is what I did when I found the wooden ring. Grasping for some convincing lie, I told him I lost something.... And then added, without reason as I look back, that things inside my chest were just going weird, and in my dreamstate that made a lot more sense than it does now. Anyways, I followed him down as he encouraged me to find whatever I had lost.... Only, he went a different way, down some other stairs, into an even DEEPER (yes, emphasis... Explaination later) place, and as I started to follow him, it occured to me that I had done that before, following this guy down to a deeper place, or at least gone this far, and that, whatever was down there, it was going to be extremely bad. Realizing that going down there would probably mean being cornered and.... I dunno, something-ed, I retreated back up the stairs, only to see the other "bad" dude and the dog coming down some other stairs, so I took of running, and took a different flight up stairs to the top level. At this point I was feeling extremely afriad of confronting the two of them again, so I started looking for a window out of the building where I could jump out, but I couldn't find any. I finally decided to simply jump out, off of the stair landing, and, wherever I landed, maybe it would bring escape from this place (yes, "Be my escape" started running through my head, even in the dream sequence . So I did... Actually, it was pretty soft landing, back into reality, in my own bed, fully awake this time... I almost just drifted back off to sleep, but then realized that this dream was much to strange and vivid, even if in a bad way for most of it, to simply go back to sleep on. I started asking God to a) quiet my spirit, 'cause it was still racing like anything, and I really didn't wanna go back to sleep only to more bad dreams, and b) show me what on earth these dreams meant.... Here's what my thoughts on them are...

I think I had a glimpse into what many people in the world, but in Cornwall specifically, are feeling, except on a much smaller scale in my case.

Man, where's a kleenex box when you need one?

But yeah... There was a very decided emotion of fear in my dreams, and of desperation... The realization of starting to follow the guy with the red hat down the stairs, after him showing me apparent friendship, and a lack of danger, and knowing that I had done that before, just.... Man, jolted me into fear.... Following him deeper and deeper into trust in him, before he turned on me and... Killed me? I guess? And the desperation that followed, as I ran from there, as fast as I could, looked for a way of escape, but seeing absolutely nothing, was desperate enough for an escape that I just jumped, knowing that, even in a dream sequence, it sometimes at least seems to hurt.

Just the jolt that shook my body while I followed the guy down the stairs, as I realized that I had done it before, naively trusting him again, and then attempting to escape, but seeing absolutely no way out of this building, feeling on trapped, knowing it was only a matter of time before both of the guys came and cornered me....

Here are some of the explanations, according to this sheet, of "Red" and "Dog":

Red:

Anger, hatred, sin, zeal, war, bloodshed

Dog:

Warning, contagious evil, persecution, great danger, beware.

I feel like this is a warning... LIke it's just.... Giving me a glimpse into what so many people in Cornwall and surronding area probably feel, except they feel it a million times worse and more concentrated. First off, the friendliness from the red-hat dude could be compared with the "fun" that drugs or other similar substances seem to be. The descent in the staircase could easily, based on my emotions in the dream, be compared to the spiraling downward that drugs or whatever causes... Then came realization, which for some, doesn't come at all. Desperation and utter hopelessness came next, which again is easily comparable. So extreme is the hopelessness and desperation, that not only was I, in the dream, perfectly willing to toss myself out of a window to escape, I was also willing to, in a sense, "die" to the dream, which is pretty comparable to suicide, when an escape did not present itself readily. So I jumped off a staircase.

I really think this is just a warning, a peek into what people go through, so that I, and anyone else who just read that whole thing, might have a better understanding of what people are going through. An escape is the one thing that they need, and the only true and eternal escape is found in one word: Jesus. We hold the ultimate escape, the remedy, the refuge and repair... We are the ones who need to get out there and freely shine God's love to anyone and everyone, showing them how awesome God is and how much He loves them.... We need to save the hopeless, the desperate, and there's more than enough people like that hanging around.... We just need to start walking I think....

I know that was amazingly long... Really, I wonder how much of it made sense.... But I'm super tired, 'cause it's 1:45 AM... But I really think that that dream meant something.... I think that interpretation is correct, at least to an extent, and more might be revealed later. Laugh all you want, 'cause I probably would've too.... This was more for me, to organize thoughts

But to anyone who read all that, I say: thank you

I ought'a give ya a cookie....

I think I'm going back to bed.... Thanks for reading what you did read.... God help us change this world and save people from desperation......

A sliver of God's heart

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:20:44 GMT

WHEW

Well I've kinda pretty much decided that I am not going to be working at Wendy's

anymore, at least where the week is concerned... I might still work on Saturdays,

but I won't be hanging out with the regular week people anymore, at least not for

the foreseeable future... Which caused reflection...

That's it

That's it... That is all of the opportunity I have to touch them. Chances are

extremely good I'll see them very few times before they get taken off into

eternity... It's extremely saddening, because I'll miss them just for the sake of

them being friends, really cool people. But.... That is it... All of the impact

that I have had on them, for better or for worse, is pretty much over, barring

some random, unforseen change. Their souls are completely away from my influence,

and I can't take back any opportunities that I might've had to help steer their

hearts to God.

Man, it sucks that we only have one try at this.... I can't say there is like,

glaring problems and specific opportunities I'll kick myself for, but man... If I

could get up every morning with this passion, maybe I'd make more of a

difference... Pray for each and every worker with more passion... Beg God to come

change people's lives... Let my light shine like I never did enough...

And I just started crying and begging and pleading and groaning with God to save

people... Ya know how the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings and

whatnot? Yeah, I kinda felt some of that tonight... I prayed, pleaded with God

to save Cornwall.. But... Man... The idea that people will die tonight without

knowing their going to heaven is just.... Overwhelming right now...

Overwhelmed... That's a good word for what I'm feeling right now... I just...

Man... Such a feeling of God's presence.... Such an intense desire for souls

saved.... Such a feeling of complete helplessness... And wondering if I could've

made a bigger impact on people if I had prayed harder, or interceded more, or

tried to start that conversation of salvation.... God will we ever learn? Will

we ever get this right?

I have absolutely no idea of what this looks like, but I need to reach out more...

An entire world, desperate for the gospel while we sit and have church... God

help us....

One soul in hell is an infinity to many

I don't know how.... I don't know when... I don't know where or who... But this

entire life needs to be dedicated to God and His purposes... I want to see people

changed...

Somewhere along the line, I threw on "Awake" from "Infusion"... Those of you that

know it know how powerful it can be sometimes... As the chorus started and I just

started jumping I imagined/had some funky vision of just.... Youth... All jumping

in unison to this song... And for the millionth time it seems I imagined the

revival...

I can't wait... I can't wait.... I want the revival so bad... I want to see

thousands of youth packing out the Cornwall Civic Complex, sold out for Jesus

Christ, and ready to save the world for Him... I just... I don't know how I'm

supposed to do it, but I know that God does....

This life is Yours

"Tears flow

Hands outstretched

In awe of the One

Who made both

I'm on my knees

For the thousandth time

Crying out and pleading

For you to show me the way

Chorus?

I follow You

'Because I know

You are the One

That will pull me through

I'll live my life

Because You gave it all

For me

Jesus Christ

Never knowing what I'm doing

Beyond my trust in You

I'll give You my all

'Cause You're the only One who knows what to do

I can't understand

Where I am or what I'm doing

So I give my trust to You

Take my life and use it..

I'm here

Giving all of me

I"m down on my knees

Help me to my feet

Let my life speak of You

Show me Your perfect truth

And let me be transparently YOU

Let my life shine forever

Let it be for You

Let every single breath I breathe

Bring this world one step closer to You

Did any of that make sense? Prolly not... I'm kinda tired, and really need some sleep... Emotions still running pretty high, and my thought process is kinda shot... But there she is... My thoughts.... Lemme know what ya think..

This life is Yours...

Where'd you go?

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 01:34:49 GMT

So I was just having my prayer time with my Jesus... He's awesome, by the way... My prayer time was unusually amazing, but that's beside the point of this blog...

I randomly had a song I've probably only 2 or 3 times, and definitely not just sat down and listened to, pop into my head: Where'd you go, by fort minor... DISCLAIMER: for any of you thinking of youtubing this video right now, I'm not sure I would recommend it. It does have some vulgarity in it... Unfortunately... However, this version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPtbnf0uOjc has the audio censored... Not the video, but if you're bad a lip-reading this music video, or just don't watch it, than that might work for you.

Anyways, just the chorus of this song got into my head, which goes like so:

"Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please come back home"

At first I was really confused why this song would pop into my head, and dismissed it as one of those random songs that just seem to get into my head sometimes...

But then I started to understand why God probably shoved this into my head.... Annnnd consequently started crying...

This is EXACTLY how God probably feels about a lot of people right now. How many times have people broken God's heart in this way? How many people does God want to sing this to daily?

"Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please come back home"

There's gotta be so many people that God is just crying and dying for.... Wondering where they went.... Where is the light that you held so high? Where is the passion that burned brighter each day? Where did you go? I miss you so much... I'll give it all again, if you'd only turn around and find my arms of love... I'd die again, to have you turn around and embrace the One who created you...

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

PLEASE COME BACK HOME...

God's intense passion for those that were once walking so closely and now have just backsliden is insane.... His heart aches for those who were once so bright, and now have faded until they only seem noticeable on Sunday mornings...

"And I remember when you used to say... 'Jesus is the way'... I never thought I'd see your light begin to fade..." - DC Talk, My Friend (So Long)

How many times have we broken God's heart as we turn away from His plea...

"Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please.... Come back home... Come run into my open arms... I won't force you, I won't grab you and make you love me.... I am a gentleman of complete patience, but my heart breaks more and more every day, as I see the one I love, the one that walked so close to me, drift further and further... Please... Come back to me, and know my love.... It's worth the world..."

God... Let my life never break your heart, though I'm sure it already has in more ways I'll ever know... I pray You'd keep me close, keep me safe... I'll rest in You... Keep me reliant on You...

God

You're the One

In His Footsteps...

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:12:28 GMT

He loves me....

Isn't that insane?

So this blog is... Going to be very disconnected... Don't have a singular focus here, but we'll see what happens...

So I was having my prayer time, doing my usual guitaring and whatnot, and really, again, for the second night in a row, was having a really hard time feeling God's presence.... So I just started walking around, pacing, and just asked God to help me walk in His footsteps... Not in anyone else's... Not in my amazing brother, or older brother, or any of my amazing sisters or parents, but in His footsteps... To place my feet where His are, and to learn to walk, talk, and think like Him.... God give me Your heart..... Give me just a sliver of Your heart...

So I went back to my chair and wrote this:

"In Your footsteps I will walk

Every step I take

In surrender I will live

Yet I won't wait

My life is Yours today

Every nuance of me

Lord here I am

I'm here... This is me"

I simply want my life to be what God wants my life to be....

Here I am... My everything....

I then proceeded to lie down on the nasty dirt back there (sorry 'bout the wash, mom!), and within 5 seconds saw one of the longest and coolest shooting stars ever.... And just thought about how much God loves me... That He'd just send that down, just so I could know how much He loves me... That the God that flung the stars, that died on the Cross, that leads me everywhere I go, did so all thinking of me.... And I just started to whisper, over and over again...

"You love me"

What a God that He could do that... Love... Freely... That everything I do is completely pointless... That, no matter what I do or don't do, that if I wait my entire life before commiting myself to God, He'll still welcome me as a long-lost son..

That's the kinda God I wanna live my life for....

In Your footsteps I will walk

Every step I take

In surrender I will live

Yet I won't wait

My life is Yours today

Every nuance of me

Lord here I am

This is me

I'll live my all

For the Glory of God

Because the price You paid

Was with a thought of my soul

Jesus, You love me

I'm the focus of Your love

I'm Your everything

And You love me more than life

So this is my all

Here at Your feet

Teach me oh God

To live for You

I'll walk after You

I'll lay my life down

I'll give it all for the God who gave

His all so I could give it all....

You love me...

Mhmm... More midnight thoughts...

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 03:02:08 GMT

So I was outside, hanging with the coolest being ever, and my Best Friend, and kinda winding down my time with Him, praying for some people and whatnot... And looking up at the full moon, I thought back to the movie I had watched earlier, "Pirates of the Carribean," in which, shortly after Elizabeth discovers the curse put on the pirates of the Black Pearl, Captian Barbosa comments "The moonlight shows us for what we really are..."

And a thought hit me...

If we, as humans, the entire human race, were like that, how many people would go outside at night?

If all humans were made visible for what they really are by the moonlight, were shown to be who they are inside, before God (which you always are... Just... Ya know, sidepoint) and man, would anyone want to go outside at night?

I think that WAY to many Christians (myself included here.. Don't think I'm above any of the stuff I ever write about... This is how I know it so well are living lies. At least the way I see and experience it, they put on themselves the label of "Christian" while living lives that bare a striking resembalence to some UN-Christians I know, and in some ways, act much more wordly. Any witness they might have for Christ is easily overrun by their wordly ways, leading any onlooker to assume that "Christain" IS just a label. As my brother (in-law, but he's close enough) Chris Lincoln put it in his song "Simply Adoration"..

"This is not my obligation

This is simply adoration

Jesus

I love You

Jesus

I adore You..."

So simple, yet what to many Christians are neglecting... God is not a label. God is not an obligation. God is not reading your Bible twice a day and faithfully going to church.

God is love. God is a relationship that ever person needs, whether they know it or not. God-shaped holes can be plugged with wordly things extremely easily, and sometimes to the point where one can ignore for long periods of time.... But the world and God simply don't mix.... God is love, and the world has distorted that word so badly it makes me sick to my stomach. God is relationship, and I don't even wanna go there....

When Christianity is given such a bad name by so many of it's "members," as if Christianity could be equated to some club, I honestly don't wonder why more people are coming to church. We aren't much different. If God is just a ticket to heaven, who wants to go? If heaven is a place full of Someone that, on this earth anyways, seems to be just a way to get there.... Is there a point?

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time, because it is true beyond what most "Christians" would be willing to acknowledge:

”The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” - Brennan Manning

If we would live every day completely exposed, yet still be completely in love with the One who made us, we would change the world in short order. Anyone with me?

"God... To many lies... To much smoke and mirrors... To much effort into doing the right things and saying the right things, while BEING is completely neglected by so many.... God save us, and help us live life for You, before we waste it being wordly 'Christians.'

God... Help us rise up, become REAL, and change the world.....

Here am I... Send me..."

Man, I'm on a roll... Or... Maybe just I'm bored...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:35:59 GMT

Wow.... I mean... Wow... Man.... God is stinking awesome.... Yeah?

God's amazing... I was just having my prayer time... And... Suddenly felt an intense feeling of God being PROUD of me... Which was incredible to me, based on the fact that... Well... I basically had just let my mind wander to much... I just.... Couldn't get over the idea that God would be so intensely proud and happy about me, despite my failings that would take a lifetime to count, not to mention commit.

God... I can't believe what love You gave and give every day... That You could love me is amazing. That You could die for me is beyond minds... But the fact that You could, beyond all my shortcomings and many failings, be proud of me... Takes my breath away and blows whatever facet of understanding I might have left, and reduces me to knees and tears...

How the heck could You be proud of me? Man... I just feel... So low each and every time I sin and shame You... Each and every time I know I disappoint You... Each and every time I slip up, no matter how "small" or "big," though I know to You there really isn't measurements...

So I randomly wrote some stuff... If you're expecting polished, well-written and rhyming verses, well... You're kinda gonna be disappointed... These are just some thoughts written down.... I really hope I can get some polish into these though, because this whole idea is really amazing to me... Me, this selfish, sinful, screw up of a human being.... And yet...

PROUD

God, I feel like nothing... God I screw up so much

And yet I feel You answer me with nothing but pride

I know this isn't me, I look at myself as dust

In all the times I fail and fall

And consider myself a bust

But through my failure and frustration

Somehow I feel Your smile

I can't believe how it's possible

But somehow; You're proud!

Jesus, how can this be?

That You would smile down on me

This wretch, this slave, this broken life

And consider me worthy of Your strife

When everything I've ever been

Is a burden to Your heart

With all of my shame and sin

Yet I still feel Your heart start

What love could this be?

That You could smile down on me...

"God," my soul cries out

"I'm a failure and a screw-up

My mind is a mess and my heart is corrupt

But somehow I still feel Your love

Proud

I hear that word loud

It's what You are of me

Despite all of me

What a love, what a love

What love could this be?

All I've done for You is burden You and shame You

How are You proud of this mess?

Overwhelmed by a love so powerful

It could love a wretch like me

Astounded by a pride that lives

When all I do is shame

God I don't understand this

This love You give

But I'll take it anyways

And I'll give You a life to live...

That probably means nothing to any of you... That's okay... This was more just to... Throw it out.... This was probably more for me than anyone else.... But... Comment if you so desire anyways...

Man... Jesus.... Proud of me.... That's something pretty insane... Unfathomable...